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Santa's world tour is banking on us

 Published 30th November 2021
General Guides 

We probably shouldn't be telling you this so keep it to yourself. We take our customers' confidentiality very seriously, but we received a phone call recently that's just too big to keep secret. One of the biggest stars in the world called us because he needed some help planning his upcoming world tour.

It turns out even Santa needs a contingency plan.

After an unfortunate incident in the early 20th century – involving a missing delivery of communion wine, a former (and for legal reasons, unnamed) Archbishop of Canterbury, some carved wooden antlers, and a slightly bemused cow named Daisy - it seems Santa likes to make sure he has backup transport on hand…

Hence the phone call from a busy transport office somewhere in the North Pole. It was a simple request: could we arrange for five vehicles to be left at strategic places around the country, just in case Santa runs into any mechanical difficulties?

And so began a lot of head scratching while we came up with our very own list for Santa.

The first priority had to be load space. We may only have to provide enough to cover UK deliveries, but you can't even begin to imagine how many parcels that adds up to.

Ford Transit Van

The all-round load carrier

The obvious choice is a Ford Transit . There's a massive amount of load space in the rear, especially if you get the high-roof, long wheelbase version. Efficient mild-hybrid diesel engines offer great economy, especially with the optional 10-speed transmission. There's also a comfortable cab packed full of driver aids to smooth the journey. It seems ideal for shifting large amounts of parcels around the country.

While the van is ideal for the paved bits of the country, being on a tight schedule means Santa is more used to the straight-line method of travel.

Toyota Hilux

And when the going gets tough...

That means going off-road, and if you want to go off road while carrying lots of stuff we think Santa will be very happy with a Toyota Hilux pickup. If you forgo the extra interior space of an extended or double-cab version and stick with the single cab option, you get a 2.3m long loading deck that will carry in excess of 1 tonne. All-wheel drive, six speed gearbox, and a hefty 2.4 or 2.8-litre diesel engine with plenty of torque to drag you over hill and through vale.

We also had to consider any delays in the schedule. Santa needed an option that would combine great load space, but in something a bit quicker than a van or pickup.

Audi RS6 Avant

The speed wagon option

That, obviously, means an estate car. And if you want a big, powerful estate car that means going German, specifically, the latest Audi RS6 Avant . In terms of space, a regular A6 Avant would do the job just as well, but if Santa is in a hurry he's going to appreciate that 4.0-litre V8 twin-turbo TFSI engine with quattro permanent all-wheel drive. It's spacious and refined on the inside, and 600bhp should be enough to help make up for any lost time.

So far, all of these options are brilliant for moving deliveries over longer distances. Eventually Santa is going to end up in town, and that requires a different set of criteria. Space is still a premium, so it has to be practical. It needs to be small enough to nip around late-night buses and Christmas Eve stragglers still stumbling back from the pub. It also needs to be discreet, just in case any curious young eyes happen to peek out of the curtains.

Fiat Panda

The urban choice

Under those circumstances it has to be the new Fiat Panda . The new model features a 70bhp, three-cylinder engine with mild hybrid technology so it's not only cute, but also quite fun to drive. It's well equipped on the interior, very affordable to run, and it should allow Santa to sort out the urban deliveries should the worst happen to his sleigh.

Ferrari Roma

Get me home Rudolph!

That left us with one last spot to fill on the list. After a night of incredibly hard work we thought it only fair that Santa should be able to get home and put his feet up as soon as possible. And what better way for the man in red to get home in style than a shiny red Ferrari with enough power to cover the miles with ease.

Santa clearly needs to relax, and the ideal way to do that is in a Ferrari Roma . This is Ferrari's compact GT car, and as such it's less about screaming through the Italian hills and more about refined cruising along the riviera. Albeit in Santa's case, with a bit more snow. The 3.8-litre V8 produces more than 600bhp that runs through an eight-speed automatic transmission. Just remember not to switch the traction control off once you pass the Arctic circle.

Hopefully Santa won't actually need to call on our services. We'd much rather see him complete his tour in the traditional way. But just in case, our fleet management team is fully prepared.

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